Exam Room 2: Lost and Found
by Lyra Lupin
Summary: This story focuses on McCoy and Scotty with some Jim and Keenser. Scotty is heart-broken and a comedy of errors ensue. Exam Rooms is a series of short stories that examines McCoy's character.
1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Star Trek 2009

Title: **Exam Room 2 **/ Part 1 of 2

Characters/pairings: McCoy and Scotty-centric, with Jim, Keenser

Rating: PG-13

Words: 1799

Disclaimer: I don't own ST09

Author's note:This story focuses on McCoy and Scotty. Exam Rooms is a series of short stories that examinesMcCoy's character while he treats colleagues and friends aboard the newly launched _Enterprise_. Keenser is Scotty's little green alien friend that has a propensity to climb on things and appears in the new movie. I thought he was so cute that I had to write him into ff. A huge thank you to my beta **Kimbari**, that keeps me to rule book!

Summary: McCoy discovers Scotty suffering from a broken heart. Drinking and comedy ensue.

**Part 1: Lost**

It was too damn early in the morning to be preparing for an exploratory visit to an unidentified world. The_ Enterprise_'s basic computer scan had shown that this ball of dirt was a Class M planet. It had an oxygen atmosphere, clean water and abundant plant life, etc. etc. That was very well and good, but did it have Orillian lung maggots? Those could make swiss cheese out of your respratrory system in about 3 hours and what about Levodian flu or Navatine mosquitos? And god forbid, if the environment carried the bug for Andorian Shingles! He'd seen a case in medical school -- the patient's eyeballs had bled!

"Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence!" he said emphatically as he walked down the hallway of the _Enterprise_ with large strides, face hard set.

A young yeoman crossing his path cowered and replied, "Um, aye, sir."

McCoy rolled his eyes. He really needed to stop talking to himself, it was upsetting the crew and frankly, it was beginning to bother him, too. He paused in front of Engineering and the doors swished open. To McCoy's surprise, the large room was empty except for the quiet hum of the ship's engines.

"Hey Scotty, you here?" the doctor called out. He banged on the front console. "Scotty, come on out, Captain needs those readings." Then somewhat quieter, "_I _need those medical readings!"

A low moaning arose from the other side of the engineering panel. "Ugh! Ya dinna need to shout!"

McCoy leaned over the control board and huffed as he saw a very disheveled Montgomery Scott sprawled in the floor. "What the hell are you doing down there?"

"What the hell are you doin' there?!" Scott said wide eyed. "Doctor and... doctor?"

McCoy came around the console. _Was the man seeing double? _ An empty bottle of Glenfiddich rested by his outstretched arm. McCoy touched his own forehead briefly in disbelief. "You're drunk; you're blasted drunk!"

Montgomery Scott sat up quickly, "' Och, aye. It's my night off! I can do whatever the bloody hell I want to do, whenever I want to do it and nobody can tell me what to do, especially not you Keenser!" Trying to take a swig from the empty bottle, he dropped it to the floor. "Bollocks!"

McCoy grasped the Scotsman's shoulder and gave him a little shake. "It's 0800 and I am Doctor McCoy.

Scotty snarled, his face incredulous. "Well, of course you are! You're a doctor not a no good, low down, love-you leave-you craggy little gremlin!" Scotty turned his head to the side and sniffed. Then wiping his tears on the back of his hand. "Bollocks that wee devil. He left me. Got in the bloody transporter and... and pushed the button!"

McCoy was shocked. He didn't know the man was so close to the little engineering creature. Scotty sobbed. McCoy instinctively put an arm around him which only led to more drunken wailing and slobbering on his shoulder. As much as the doctor wanted to yell at him, drunk or not, the engineer's sorrow was real. "Hell, I shouldn't be doing this Scotty, but I'm going to help you out just this once."

Between staccato sobs, Scott's tearful brown eyes looked up, "You can bring him back?"

"No," McCoy said gruffly, "But I can sober you up so you can do your god damn duty and avoid a court martial for being drunk at your post. I swear, if Jim finds out..." He shook his head.

Scotty hiccuped, his voice sad. "I suppose that will be just as well doctor, it bein' mornin' and all." McCoy put an arm under his shoulder to help him stand. "If they love ya, they'll come back to ya and if they don't... Oh, ye wee feckin' shiter, _I_ love'd ya!" he cried, then head falling forward, Officer Scott passed out.

Thirty minutes later....

"Jesus, Mary, Joseph!" The engineer yelled slamming his body instantly upright. "Doctor?! Where the hell am I?"

"You're in the medical bay and that sounded more Irish than Scottish," McCoy noted as he busily entered information into his PADD.

"I had an Irish granny," Scotty said off-handily and then grinned widely.

"Did you now?" McCoy replied uninterested.

"Wow! I feel fantastic! What'd you give me, doc? I'm completely sober."

McCoy finally looked up. "Good. Then you can get your scraggly Scottish ass back to engineering and run those scans."

Scotty bounced off the exam table. Flexed his skinny arms like a weightlifter, he then started high-step running in place. "I haven't felt this healthy since I was a lad. I could climb Ben Nevis, I could swim Loch Ness, I could--"

"Don't get too excited, officer. The effect of a Chlorohydeptic hydro will only last about five hours and then the effects of your earlier drinking will kick in."

Scotty paused mid jumping-jack. "No!"

McCoy smiled, "Yes, and usually about twice as bad."

"'Och, doctor! Why dinna you tell me before you shot me up?"

"You weren't really in any condition to make a choice, Scott."

The engineering officer hung his head in defeat. "Fair play, doctor, fair play. I guess I ought to be thanking you."

McCoy nodded, "And you can do that by getting me those medical scans as soon as possible."

Scotty slumped his shoulders as he exited Exam Room 2.

"Officer Scott," McCoy stepped forward putting a hand on the man's shoulder. "There is one thing that can make your hangover not as bad."

Scotty's eyebrows popped up. "A wee hair of the dog?"

"_Similia similibus curentur_. 'Like cures like', so said Hippocrates."

"Well doctor, when I get off my shift, it will be five o'clock somewhere in the universe."

McCoy laughed. How many times had he said the same thing before cozying up to a bar stool and a bottle of bourbon. It took a hard drinker to know a hard drinker.

"I owe you a pint, doctor and a second for Hippocrates," Scott called back to a now scowling McCoy before exiting the medical bay. "I know! Right after I get you those scans."

It was nearly 8pm when the McCoy finished his work and decided he'd take Scott up on that offer of a pint. He stood outside Scott's door and declared himself.

"You're late, doctor, it's far past five." Scott smiled. "Scotch neat?"

"Sounds right." McCoy smirked.

"I hope scotch is okay, doctor. Starfleet doesn't stock Tennent's and the rest of the ale's taste like a Glasgow curlew."

McCoy lifted a cup, "This is more my kind of drink anyway." McCoy took a deep sip and savored the peaty burn of the Scottish liquid.

"Glenmorangie. It's the finest highland scotch in the universe. From me hometown; well, until we moved to Aberdeen when I was fifteen." Scott took a sip, and hummed. "Mmm...That's mother's milk it is." Then closing his eyes, "Makes it all better."

McCoy couldn't agree more. He, too, shared a love affair with the bottle. "So,you find your creature?"

"That's no creature, doc, that's Keenser! He's a...a... Well, I don't know what the hell he is but he's awfully useful around the engineering bay."

McCoy suspected Scott was more attached to the little alien than just as an engineering assistant. Turning the glass around in his hands, "So, an unknown alien, huh?"

"Yep. Found him at the station when I was out-posted to Delta Vega. His last master had just left him behind all alone." Scotty shook his head, eyes distant.

"So _you're_ his master?" McCoy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well... I use that word for the lack of a better one, doctor. Keenser is like..." Scott turned to face McCoy straight on, "Well, Keenser is like a loyal dog, an overactive six year old and a really good mechanic. I said some things I shouldn't have said and it finally drove him away... Unfortunately, I'm good at that."

"So am I, Scott." McCoy emptied his glass and poured himself another.

Looking up to the doctor, eyes playful, the Scotsman said, "So you've lost a pet alien as well?"

"I lost a human wife."

Scott took a sip of his drink and although McCoy expected the engineer to offer him some awkward apology or comforting words, the man instead laughed. "I swear half the men on this ship are here because they're running from some lassie!"

McCoy shrugged. "And what are you running from?"

Scott smiled, "I canna say." Then turning the drink between his thin fingers, voice distant. "I'm running from... from a lassie as well I suppose. My daughter..."

The doctor was silent. A wise physician once told him that Catholics had priests, but Protestants had doctors. Every man was seeking absolution from something.

"I was nineteen and working at a textile factory in Aberdeen. Jama's mother dinna want to marry me, thought she could do better than a factory man even with the babe. Moved down South and married some posh shuttle salesman in Lancashire."

Another drink refill.

"I tried to stay in her life, but her mother didn't really want it and in the end, she didn't even know who I was." Scotty licked his lips, his chest rising and falling heavily. "You have kids, McCoy?"

"No. We tried, but..." McCoy shook his head, studied his glass intently, "Just wouldn't ever take."

"Just as well," Scott replied raising the amber liquid to his lips. "Better to avoid the heart-break of losing them."

There was a long silence between them. There was nothing to be said. Misery loved company.

"You want to finish the bottle, Scott?" McCoy asked suddenly.

"Aye, doctor." He raised his glass for a toast, "Hair of the dog."

Somewhere around 2200 hours McCoy hauled his bones back to his quarters and to bed. _To sleep perchance, to dream, Ah, there's the rub... _At 0600 hours, he and his old bones awakened, and they were comfortably, _not_ alone...

TBC

Author's Note: Reviews, ideas, comments appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Fandom: Star Trek 2009

Title: **Exam Room 2 **/ _**Part 2 of 2**_

Characters/pairings: McCoy and Scotty-centric, with Jim, Keenser

Rating: PG-13

Words:2221

Disclaimer: I don't own ST09

Author's note:This story focuses on McCoy and Scotty. Exam Rooms is a series of short stories that examines McCoy's character while he treats colleagues and friends aboard the newly launched _Enterprise_. Keenser is Scotty's little green alien friend that has a propensity to climb on things and appears in the new movie. I thought he was so cute that I had to write him into ff.

Summary: McCoy discovers Scotty suffering from a broken heart. Drinking and comedy ensue.

**Part 1: Found**

He was dreaming of Emony Dax. Her long fingernails scrapping his back, he arched and moaned with pleasure. Then rolling over, he hummed in her ear. "It's been a long time, Emony."

A grunt awakened him from the dream and he realized Emony had only been a sub-conscience vision, but the back rub was very real. _Someone was rubbing his back, very deliciously._ His conscious mind slamming awake, he jumped from the bed, pulling the top bedcover with him to hide his naked body. Hair tussled, black eyes wide, "Who the hell are you?! And how'd you get in here?"

A seductive, leggy blonde woman stretched languidly across Dr. McCoy's bed. At his harsh interrogation, she replied with a silent smile and a twiddling wave of her well-manicured fingers. As if saying, without words, _Hello gorgeous_!

McCoy was furious. He had been drunk last night, but not too drunk to know he came into his room alone and that's how he intended on waking up. Just because she was sinfully hot did not mean she could break into a man's quarters, strip naked and climb into his bed. His lip snarled, as he sputtered, "God damn it, talk to me woman, now! I am a senior office aboard this ship and I demand an answer!"

The woman sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest to cover her breasts. She then pointed at her throat and frowned.

McCoy huffed and deciding there wasn't much he could do being naked himself, he began gathering his own clothing from the floor. This created only more embarrassment as he tried to do it without revealing his bare backside to the mysterious woman. "I'm going into the bathroom to get dressed, and when I come out, I want you out of my bed and into your uniform. Do you understand me?"

The perky blonde nodded and smiled widely. Then with a brief moment of pale-male-behind, he fled into the bathroom.

He scowled as he dressed. What the hell was going on? Probably a yeoman and this was some sort of prank; surely, she hadn't broken in to take advantage of him while he was drunk. He rubbed his shoulder, then turning his back to the mirror, "Damn it." He cursed. Emony had been a dream, but the back scratching had been quite real and he bore the welts to prove it. "Who does she think she is?!"

Breaking into his quarters was one thing, but touching him while he sleep, it was a sexual violation. "Great!" He rolled his eyes, he could hear Jim's laughter already.

Exiting the bathroom, "Hey, I told you to get dressed and get... out... of... my... bed!"

She threw her golden locks over his pillows, and batted her pretty eyelashes in response.

McCoy pursed his lips. "Fine. I'll dress you myself!" He said, marching around the bed, looking for her clothes, but there were no clothes in either of the two compartments that made up his quarters.

He was extremely irritated and totally puzzled. "Did you come here completely naked?"

The woman sat up eagerly and let the sheet fall to her knees, revealing two perfectly round, bubbly breasts and nodded enthusiastically, _Yes_!

McCoy brought his hand to his forehead for a mental pause. "Please," he said quietly, "cover yourself up." He was a man of flesh, not stone and it had been a long time since he'd had a beautiful naked woman in his bed. After several deep breathes, he reigned in his Eros and found an old pair of Starfleet scrubs for her to wear.

"All right. Get up and put these on. We're going to sick bay, because you have to be sick to be running around the _Enterprise_ naked as jay bird." He mumbled the last words.

The woman's shoulders slumped as if she was defeated, but she followed his instructions. Then taking her roughly by the arm, he marched the woman quickly to the _Enterprise_ medical bay. Speaking into his communicator, "Jim, I need you to meet me in Exam Room 2 immediately."

"Is there a problem?" The Captain's voice asked.

Looking at the gorgeous blonde making googley eyes at every young male they passed in the hallway, McCoy answered. "Oh yeah, a big problem and I'm walking her to the medical bay as we speak."

"I'll be there right away, Bones." Kirk replied.

When the Captain entered Exam Room 2, he was shocked to see a gorgeous blonde, perched on the exam table.

"Well, hello?!" Kirk said with a wide grin.

"Don't you look at her that way, Jim. And _you_, get down from there! This isn't a jungle gym, it's an exam room."

Kirk's brow furrowed. "Why not compliment a beautiful woman?"

"Because she's not a woman." McCoy reprimanded, hand on his hip.

"Again, I ask... Why not?" His smile reaching his blue eyes.

The doctor crossed his arms. "I will have you know Jim Kirk, that this... this... _thing _that looks like a woman was in my bed last night and left several welts on my back!"

His grin was now ear to ear. "Bones, I had no idea you were into kinky alien sex! You know, there's a name for that."

McCoy's nostril's flared, "Jim, I'm a doctor not a sexual deviant!"

"Hmmm... too bad." The Captain replied bringing a finger to his lips as if in thought.

"I'm serious, Jim. I went to bed alone, and I woke up having a very nice dream about... Well, about another woman to find this one running her fingernails up my back!"

"And very nice fingernails they are!" He took the woman's well-polished hand and brought it to his lips. McCoy knocked her fingers from the Captains's hand before he could offer them a kiss. "I'm sorry, my dear, our doctor has no manners."

"Jim, can we please step outside to discuss this?"

The blonde pouted her lips and waved a goodbye as the two men exited the exam room.

"I don't think you are grasping the gravitas of this situation, Jim. That's some kind of alien in there. I ran the scans and although it couldn't name a species, it definitely defined the life source as _not human_. Secondly, the ship's logs show no unknown alien or animal passengers being loaded onboard the ship."

Kirk crossed his arms. "Which begs the question, where did she come from?"

"Exactly!" McCoy plunged a finger into the air.

"Obviously a planet of sex fends. Once we find her planet, I will alert the science team. We need to do a thorough exploratory visit."

"Jim! This is not a joke."

The Captain raised his hand, "Okay, Bones. Well, if anyone knows if something has beamed on or off this ship, it's Scotty; so, let's start there." Then raising his voice slightly. "Get your woman and let's go to Engineering."

The entire medical bay turned to look at the doctor. McCoy reddened as he pursed his lips, dark eyes piercing Jim like a phaser beam set to kill. Jim smiled slightly and walked out of the medical bay as if he was cock of the walk. _Bones, really needed to lighten up_.

Opening his communicator. "Scotty, this is the Captain. Dr. McCoy and I are on our way to Engineering. I think found your suit."

"What?" McCoy mouthed.

Jim just smiled knowingly at the doctor as the doors to Engineering swished open. Officer Scott met them immediately, his face set hard. "You turn that off now you wee devil. The jig is up!"

McCoy was utterly confused and Jim's smirk wasn't making him any less hostile. "What the hell?!"

"Go on!" Scott raised his voice, looking at the woman.

The blonde frowned and in a few shadowy blinks, the woman vanished revealing Keenser in a very tight black-webbed suit. McCoy jumped back in surprise.

"Is this the holo-graph suit and the missing mechanic?" Jim asked nonchalantly, hands on his hips.

"You knew?!" McCoy was flabbergasted. "You knew the entire time and you didn't tell me!" His eyes pleading to Jim.

Kirk smirked. "I suspected."

"Aye, Captain." Scott nodded to Kirk and then turning to Keenser, shaking a finger. "You're in very big trouble, lad. Big trouble!"

McCoy's nostrils flared and his mouth hung open in shock. "He was in my bed, he was... he was... scratching my back."

Jim tried to stifle a laugh.

"Ahhh, I'm not surprised." Scotty shook his head. "Probably trying to get you to be his new master." Then turning his eyes to Keenser, "Cruel Keenser. Very cruel to tease the good doctor like that. You ought to be ashamed."

The craggy alien hung his head.

"Why would he want me to be his..." McCoy could barely get the words out, "master."

"Well, I told you doctor, we had an argument and he beamed himself away. I mean, I knew he was still on the ship somewhere. Probably overheard us yesterday and thought we were chummy. Who knows how the wee devil thinks. Probably thought he could make me jealous if he were to latch on to you for a wee bit." Then again, turning back to Keenser. "Is that your game, was it?"

The alien silently blinked his large black eyes.

"As I thought." Scotty answered as though Keenser had replied. "Anyway, he stole; yes, Keenser, I said, _stole_ my holo-graph suit."

"So that's the suit, huh?" Jim asked pulling at the black webbing.

"Yep, that's the prototype. Like I told you this morning, Captain, some day we'll have whole pleasure decks of this stuff."

"So you think I might borrow it sometime?" Jim was forming a thought.

"You did know, you knew about this the whole time!" McCoy exclaimed.

"Bones, Scotty contacted me this morning with the information about the missing Keenser and the missing suit," he waved a hand at the alien. "I only put two and two together when I saw your patient in sick bay."

McCoy frowned.

"You said it was alien and Scotty told me that you were the only other person aboard that was aware Keenser was missing." The Captain finished, exasperated that McCoy hadn't put together the pieces.

"Green- gremlin alien missing, Jim. Not a leggy, blonde." Then turning to Scotty. "But she felt so real." His dark eyes questioning. "Does that holo-suit simulate texture?"

Scotty laughed slightly, "No, doctor. You did or more properly, your mind did. You saw a beautiful woman, so if you felt her skin, or her hair, it felt like a woman because your mind told you it did."

"Fascinating." McCoy sighed in wonderment, looking at the little alien.

"Well, Captain, Doctor, Keenser has work to be doing and so do I. The ship doesn't run itself."

Scotty grabbed the alien by the scruff of the neck and turned to leave.

"Wait!" McCoy stepped forward. "I mean, why a beautiful woman, Scotty? Why did Keenser choose to be a beautiful woman?"

"He didn't _choose_ a woman, that's what the suit is set to simulate. It has only one visual setting." Scott replied.

"So let me get this right, Scotty. You've only created one successful holo-suit." McCoy asked.

"Holo-graph suit," Officer Scott corrected. "Aye."

"So you make only one suit and it looks like a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous naked woman." Jim finished.

Scotty looked at his shoes and smirked.

Whistling, Jim added, "How long were you alone on Delta Vega, Scott?"

"Long enough, sir." He said, lifting his eyes with a smile.

Jim laid a hand on the doctor's shoulder. "I think we're done here, Bones"

As the two men were leaving Engineering, McCoy looked to Jim. "Do you think-"

He didn't have time to finish before the Captain cut him off. "I don't want to _think, _Bones. Sometimes we should just take advice from the Bard, _There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so_." Jim smiled as he spread his hands wide and walked onto the bridge, "So don't think, doctor,** don't think**!"

McCoy wanted to disagree with that quote, but he might as well argue with a ghost as argue with Shakespeare or Jim Kirk. Loneliness was a strange bedfellow and in this case, most literally. The one insight he drew from the entire incident, was he that he too, Leonard McCoy, was tired of being alone. Holographic suit or digi-mag, McCoy was tired of the artificial, he needed a shot of the real stuff. Maybe Jim was right, he didn't want to think, he wanted to feel...

**TBC** in short story, Exam Room 3. McCoy/ ???

**Author's Note:** Reviews, ideas, comments appreciated!


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